Eyes Meet

 

I look up 
Catch your eyes
Looking at me
Demure but confident 
I swear I never looked away

I'm going to spend forever
In those eyes
Burned into my memory 
Like a photograph
Searching for my soul

Eyes meet across a crowded room
Two worlds touch momentarily 
Everything you have ever lived for
Becomes an instant in time
Where the room is empty 

Two scents meet in the air
To create another one 
Love mingling in the repose
Of the present
Like a perfume diffusing
Into the future 

Nicole Lynn Padilla-Tully

 

OK, I struggle with being able to explain to the world who Nicole Lynn Padilla-Tully was and still is in our hearts. If she touched your life, you would know. I have heard stories from people about how they were affected, I've seen changes in people that they may not know where that feeling, decision or idea came from. That's their story to tell, but she had an amazing impact, even in her passing. I will not even suppose that I am worthy enough to tell her story...

I'm going to start by sharing words that I spoke to her, wrote to her... and try my very best to just let it be about her. I'm biased and that is the complication of offering a glimpse of God's Favorite. It was an honor to have known her, even for such a short time... my life would have been poorer without her love.

Nicole was always noticing the smallest variations in the mood or even the tone or conversation. She was never afraid to question and even accept anything, the truth could always find a safe place in her heart.

She was caring and kind, always offering help to anyone in need, standing up for those who couldn't find a way to stand up for themselves. She gave everything and never once asked to be noticed or praised. She never noticed herself for all the good she did. Loyal, passionate and honorable to a fault.

She was a dedicated mother who never turned down an opportunity to share her kindness and had the most amazing ability to teach those values by words, by example and also by listening to what was needed. She was a confidant and a safe place, not just to her children but to everyone who knew her.

She fought for her family and with them, but she was loved by all. She advocated for everyone and for what she felt was right. In that respect, she deserved the acceptance, validation and love that she sought but never felt like she achieved. Yes, there was much more than she realized.

There was such an amazing mind capable of the deepest thoughts, happy or sad, paradise or problems, sunshine or rain... thoughts and ideas that had value. Yet, she struggled to see how precious, valuable and worthy she was... it's almost impossible to describe. It was inside her... her heart, her mind - the compassion and the energy she shared.

It was her character that defined her worth, the love she gave freely, the things she fought for relentlessly, her will power and determination. All wrapped up in a soul that gave everything to please everyone, often at her own expense. Because the world takes that energy, it's special and doesn't exist everywhere. She put her energy out into the world... and worried how it was received. 

Life will never be the same without her light... unimaginable. 

Well, it's a start... it's hard to describe angels...

Just a text

 

My darling love of my life,

I carried you with me. 

I love that the car smells like you, that I can smell you on me. Your skin tastes like heaven, you amaze me...just being you, thoughtful and kind.  

I love talking to you and holding you while you sleep (and talking to you while you sleep). 

You are my dreams and every waking thought.

I love you doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about you...but I do. I love you so much, it's hard to contain. You are my inspiration and my desire.

I need you everyday...there is nothing that we can't do together.

Somewhere Deeper

 

Her hair smells like rain

Delicate freckled skin

Soft cream glow

Eyes of liquid fire

Always miss you 

Waiting for the right words 

Maybe a tribute -- a feeling

Blurred in dreamscapes 

The miracle of touching you 

Somewhere deeper than imagination 

With eyes open or closed

My heart forever yours

My soul finds you every day 

Holds you late at night

My heart beats slower 

It's expression of existence 

Angel Dreams

 

Clouds for pillows

Dressed in mist

A lazy, hazy glow

... everything waits

For the next expression

Giving all the love

there is, away

She moves

Breathing a sigh

Wrapped safely

In all the love 

Brushing clouds away

With the sweep of her hand

The sun warms her face 

The angel sleeps

Deep, harmonious dreams

With a smile

For love and peace

She rules the world 

Floating on the dreams

Of a brighter day

Baby's Skies

 

You might think it is her eyes

Where all the feelings are disguised 

That her heart is held apart 

Just a glimpse soothes the soul

You might think it is her voice

The words turning to music 

The meaning lost in melodies 

Never tiring of listening 

You may believe it is her presence 

Where the room shifts towards her

Brighter just by her being there

All with a stunning smile

But she has the power to raise the stars

... or make them lay right down

To glisten along the path

Sparkle like gems in her hair

You might think it is her eyes

But with her dreams ---

She controls the skies

Somewhere the day went on....

 

Somewhere the day went on

I'm sure I saw lights

The phone rang

I don't remember anything 

Somewhere the day went on

Like nothing changed

The light dimmed everywhere

If that is even possible 

Somewhere the day went on

But not for me

Time froze

The calendar never changed

Somewhere the day went on

Conversations

 

Whispered wishes at midnight 

On the silky voice of love

That makes the miles disappear 

...and I hold you in my memories 

Wanting to listen forever

To an unending conversation 

Continuing even in this silence 

... until we talk again

They replay in the dark

A sweet reminder of intent

Delicate and laid bare

...to nourish the soul

After the call

 

Baby, you never warned me  --

I wouldn't have listened anyway

Always something more to say

and the conversation continues 

Long after the last goodbye 

Never savoring the last minute 

That never comes --

One day and not the next

Like tears or words could explain

Choked back before they come

I founder, searching for a feeling 

The absence appreciable 

  --- imagining you here

It's not the idea of love

that's meant to last

Love

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 

 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-7

Ode to kindness

   Now that you're gone I feel a dread, that before I was too defiant to say I cared. I don't enjoy the absence you left, though my heart warms when I think of you being in a better place.

 You had a big heart, you had a kind soul, you helped to show kindness in dark moments and empathy in sad ones. The memories will never be far from my mind, sure to take up any spare time. 

Ode to my friend

  The sky is blue, as my heart is for you, the sun, not nearly as bright, the rainbow, not nearly as colorful, as you.

 All those memories settling in my brain, while I listen to the gentle thumps of rain.

 I reminisce about those long nights waiting, countless hours, thousands of miles driven, restlessly moving forward.

 The sounds of your laughter echoing in my head, the memories created in the short time I knew you, forever to rest in my heart, living and thriving in my heart... 

July 2025

 

It was the end of June, maybe the beginning of July. 

I ran into Dad, Sterling, and Nicole at the local Goodwill. They were inside when I saw them, standing next to their shopping cart. I went down the line, giving hugs, Nicole last. 

Near the end of our visit, Dad asked me to tell Nicole how good she looked. I said I would, smiling because I knew she looked good. She looked nice as she walked up next to Dad. 

As I hugged her goodbye, I said, “You look really good, Nicole. It was so good seeing you.” 

Dad smiled and rubbed her shoulder as they walked away. I heard her say as they turned the corner, “She said I look really good.” And I could hear Dad say, “I know, Sweetie.” 

I could hear the smiles in their voices, the gentle reassurance. It touched me in a way that now breaks my heart. 

Seeing her as happy as she was in that moment is a memory I will never shake. Seeing her as happy as she was with my dad showed me their love was anything but ephemeral. 

It was beautiful, and so was she.

Memories

 This is harder than I thought... might just take a little while. I'm going to add everyone's memories of Nicole, it's just hard through the tears. I'll write when I can but will post everyone's memories as they come in. It might just come in parts and pieces, I will certainly share what I can. Love you all!

I'm going to add some Facebook thoughts... if you've seen them, please forgive me. I promise that I will get to my homage to one of the sweetest women in the world. In the meantime, it's just dealing with feelings... I guess. 

Falling Down

Close your eyes, spinning wildly

Let the little girl free again

Laying on the grass, trying to hold on

As the world tilts out of control 

Watching angels dance in the clouds

All the worry pushed away

... and that contagious smile

Brighter than the sun shining down

The world slows to a stop

As you feel pressed to the earth

Fitted just for you

To watch the angels dance